The only earthly abode where time wasting does not denote inaction is perhaps a football field. To run the clock down, footballers feign injuries, clutch their limbs in pain, roll on the grass, pose as though the roof has crumbled on them, so much so that it is theatre unto itself. It’s the opposite of the phrase in the lexicon—spending time doing nothing. But footballers have transformed it into a specialised (dark) art, and 140-odd years later, the lawmakers have emerged none the wiser in eliminating the malaise (or genius) that has plagued the sport, continuing to devise clampdown measures. So to bell the old but pesky cat, the International Football Association Board (IFAB) has reached a consensus that football’s worst time-keepers are the goalkeepers, and so referees will award corners and indirect free-kicks if they hold onto the ball for more that eight seconds from next season. The prevailing law affords only six seconds, but has been leniently implemented. Even the most hard-fisted referee refrains from awarding indirect free kicks, unless in extreme cases. …